My dad used to do this thing, where at places he would park at, he would put a planet fitness sticker on the pole hoisting the disabled sign, I don’t remember him repping planet fitness like that or even going to the gym. A decade later I will sometimes see a planet fitness sticker on a disabled sign pole and wonder if that was him. There was also this bin he had, as Dads tend to have bins. He had motocross and automobile stickers lining every inch of it. I didn’t get into autocross, but I followed a similar practice once I started skating, collecting stickers from when I’d buy parts, meticulously putting them on boards or savoring in indecisiveness to not waste them. Once I even spent around $50 on specific stickers of skate brands to put on a water bottle of mine, just to leave it at a bus stop a week later after finishing that mosaic. I’ve purchased stickers from some dude on 4chan from Argentina, and got some stickers from Japan or when I was in Japan. Once I got a car I almost immediately lined it up with slaps of anime paraphernalia, and personally I think I towed the line before it fell into embarrassing levels. I’ve placed a lot of stickers, though my Asus Zephyrus G14 laptop is my crowning jewel, I think I have mastered the trope of putting low quality stickers on the cover of a laptop. I lay myself out in ways such as lists and charts, stickers and chalk. It’s a warm blanket of myself I wrap myself around. My senior year of highschool I was nominated for male student most likely to become a best selling author, the other person being someone I did not particularly like for several reasons, one of which, me being a horrible insecure person. Possibly a non-insignificant reason why I was elected in the first place. I’ve only completed 1 book in the past almost 4 years, so I’m not exactly on track, but I have made these videos. As for my journals, I dare not uncover the specifics of their written contents. That would be an exercise of narcissism. I am wholly interested in divulging what these lined pages meant. Many years of my past are clouded; dissociation and not having a perfect memory. Shoveling bus passes, movie tickets, poetry into these pages were ways I then centered myself and now find myself in the future that is now. I have been good, but in passing moments of fear I do open these books. This attitude, I can track to before these journals that are before these lists and rankings of video games now. I partially lied when I implied that I use journaling and sticker collecting to help myself stay grounded, though that part is true- but it’s not the whole picture. I understand it’s not the healthiest thing, but I deeply connect with the pieces of media I consume and media is the strongest way of which I connect with people. Sharing thoughts, opinions, ideas about video games, music, arts; that discussion is where I find ample lots of joy from in my life. Creating fun spotify playlists, charts, and lists. Specifically, and I know how it sounds, video games are just an inherent part of me that I wholly am proud of, divulge myself into, and love expressing that love. But sometimes it leads me astray, it lures me into darkness, an angler fish. I engross myself often times too hard into this attitude, and end up forgetting the parts of myself that are detached from these pieces of media. On the rarest yet memorable occasions I despair. Those sticky parts of ourselves that we mix with others can be momentary, scratched, washed off, or fade in the sun and time. This leads to debate within of both needing to leave a lasting impact on anything, but to also take it easy and live in the moment. To speak reinforcingly, rather than in an uncovering manner about how this might be; we hold within ourselves bad memories, decisions, outcomes much grander-, tighter than good ones. Be it an evolutionary response, there are already a lot of things we might do to betray the continuation of our lives. They do less than a dead man’s float above the sea level that is ourselves, whereas remembrance or even the good side of nostalgia has to be fished out, bait and all. It’s also a sign of a checked ego. I first wanted to play a lot of games because I love video games, then I wanted to make a video about playing a lot of games in one year and ranking and reviewing them because lists and rankings are fun to make, and especially popular ones involve the word “game” and part of phrase “of the year”. Lastly, I wanted to retrospect. I have created, though in appreciating what I deem great works of art I tend to mess up the line between encouragement and discouragement. I don’t know if I'll be able to rival such works, specifically from the perspective of a “critic”, though I of course hope, and on the other hand not every game I played this year will stay with me in the future. The darkest of thoughts that visit my mind is that I’ve wasted time, there’s that meme of someone on their deathbed exclaiming “I’m glad I played all those video games”. This past year being one of my 21 years alive will be bookended by a video about playing an absurdly large amount of video games. But once again, in this favorite thing, I’ve experienced some of the greatest works made by people that have had profound effects on me that I will carry long into the future, and as the longer I live, the percentage of my life having done this experiment, will become smaller, I won’t keep a list off all the things I’m bringing, but I do know I’m bringing myself into 2024. It goes without saying that when I take these several steps back, I find the enjoyment I’ve not lost, but maybe missed in the viewfinder of everything else I do outside of the darkness. Just within video games, I went to a lot of melee and fighting game locals, I went to a strive tournament and ended up at a frat party where I almost threw up in some random guy's bathroom. I went to Las Vegas for final fantasy 14 and met and hung out with some amazing people. I went to dance classes, I went on bike rides and hikes, saw Death Grips live, and took a whole lot of pictures of my dog. It’ll still happen, regretting that is, regret, but I’d much more regret, at this moment now and by the end of everything, wasting time on regretting, rather than doing something I enjoy and love.